“Not how I imaged life would be…” – Glen James Jewellers

Not how I imaged life would be

Growing up with two parents was what I knew as normal.  Seldom did a married couple separate or go and have affairs.  This may just have been the location I grew up or may have been the era.

At school, I struggle to think of any of my classmates whose parents didn’t live together.  They had what was then the typical family unit.

Wow hasn’t that changed from what we see today.  How many of us actually live with our children’s other parent?  Has the scale tipped? And the global change on being a modern parent not how it was when we were young.

My kids often talk about how their classmates are with mum this week or Dad this week. Mine is the same.  Whose week is whose and plan life around that.  Then I hear how one mates Dad has a new girlfriend and how they don’t like her, or their friends Mum has a new boyfriend they don’t like him.

With social media pressures and web pages such as Tinder, NZ dating, find someone and other dating sites, it is all too easy to scroll and find someone new, but based on what? The things they type, their photo, and whatever else you can read into, or they want to impress you with.  But what are we really looking for?  To be happy, right? Can we not be satisfied living with our own company?  Yes, some of us can.  Are we socially expected to have a partner?

It’s human nature to breed, and therefore, many of us remain in a relationship or are looking for one.  Some people start a new relationship before they have finished the one they are currently in. I like to call this situation, “Monkey Syndrome.”  A monkey swings through the jungle from branch to branch but seldom does it let go of one branch until it knows it has a firm grip on the next branch.

I have learned for sure that both men and women are wired differently, and this is possibly why we often clash.  I’m certainly no expert or guru. I love that word as I write it, “Guru.” I’ve been to relationship councilors and listened to what they say and like to think I have taken much of it on board. I’ve learned the love languages and their importance.  Understood the star signs and really, it’s a harsh world.  To put so much pressure on a relationship before it has begun is a recipe for absolute disaster.  Expectations on how we want things to turn out can often only set us up for disappointment.  Let life be what it will be, the best thing you can ever have is confidence in yourself and everything you do.

But let’s go back a bit. Haven’t most of us got kids? And shouldn’t that be our number one focus?  Our kids are only living with us for a short period of time before they leave and take on the world as we did.  I know for me, to spend as much time with my kids is the number one priority.  That doesn’t mean you have to spend money on them, just spend time with them, creating memories and teaching them skills and most important to never stop playing and laughing with them.  Not only showing them, you love them but telling them you love them.

I guess all kids really want, is to have someone to look up to, someone to idolize.  If our focus is on other things like thinking, we must always be in a relationship, then we lose the most significant relationship right there in front of us, our kids.  There is so much more for kids growing up to take on board than I ever did.

To me, I have my own needs of importance and raising two boys in a week on week off situation is part of that importance, balance, they need their mum just like they need their Dad.  Life and any relationship need balance and understanding of each other’s wants & needs in life.  Balance is vital.

Not many species on earth mate for life, and watching humanity, sadly I think we are not much different.  I take my hat off to couples who have been married for 20-40-50 years and so in love today as they were when they first met.  I see it in my line of work often, and it makes me smile when I see their love so strong for each other.  Till death do us part, they have honored their vows and honored each other.

Glen James.

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