Friends…
Greetings dear friends & fellow navigators, welcome to my world again this week. Easter, is a wonderful time for reflection I find. There are moments available when you can just be staring out of the window & you get a rush of memories of what seems like a distant past. As you are focussing on a single white cloud for example, I am reminded of all the people who once were a part of my life, but are not anymore.
What happened to a certain friendship? We were in our best days. We were unstoppable. Brothers. Not by blood, but by heart. On our worst days, we would cheer each other up in the most unexpected ways. Our heartbreaks, our tragedies, we lived it together. If I asked him to assist me, he would not hesitate. Have I, or will I ever have friends like this again?
A wave of sadness runs through my body. What an ironic tale it is. The people who were once your best friends are just contacts on the phone. The feeling of forever you felt around them, was it an illusion, like the clouds? They did not seem to move, but in reality, every day, they were gliding one inch away from you. The single world both of you lived in, was slowly separating into two individual worlds.
How I wish we knew we were living in the best days of our lives before they were gone. Goosebumps. I get lost in thought, & then pull myself out of my head & see the skies are changing colours. How symbolic.
The loss of friendship is a very hard feeling to describe. Most of us just shrug it off saying, ‘we grew apart’ or saying, ‘it broke my heart.’ After all, friendships are supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be deep enough to provide sincere camaraderie but not so deep so upon breaking, it would shatter the person.
However, are things really this simple? We cultivate so many bonds. Friendships keep changing with the tides of time. However, as we get older, perhaps we move on to different cities or we get pickier about the kinds of friends we want to hang out with. We are no longer careless children making friends with anyone & everyone. Many people are perhaps only friends at face value.
What seldom gets mentioned is when losing friendships, even those you just grow out of, is the hurt? It could be like a sinking ship. One missed call becomes 10. Then one day, you do not bother calling at all. We make space to accommodate them only for it to be left vacant. The anguish & grief can be real, especially in adulthood, where everyone is living in individual worlds, lonelier than ever.
Our lives may have changed the moment one moved cities, & you did nothing about it. You thought, when all of them, or you return, things would go back to how they were. Wrong! They did not; at least not the way you expected it. You kept cancelling plans to meet up in turns. In
the end, the days just pass by. You are confused & disappointed. It felt like a door closed.
You could have pushed yourself to continue any conversation, but you reached a dead-end. Maybe they have changed. I suspect we may also have changed… Maybe your friendship has run its course.
Friendship breakups are hard to articulate. Unlike relationships where a single rejection means it is a dead end. Rejections in friendships happen over time until it pricks you hard enough. The disappointment hurts & yet, it is given the least amount of care.
We look back at lost friendships with so much nostalgia. We miss them. Just because you have wonderful friends right now, does not mean your old lost friends mean any less. I used to sort of vanish the moment my life took me on a different path. It took me so long to realize I was losing some of my best friends. I assumed everything would make sense & we would still be the same. But I never managed to get there. On the brighter side, I hope understanding this
complex feeling will help me change the way I look at friendships.
We should not forget to take a look at all the people around us, are we appreciating them enough? Good. Now go reconnect. But remember if you are feeling exhausted or rejected even after trying, it is perhaps not meant to be. You were brave. You tried. I know it is not easy, but you have to let it go now.
Friends occupy so much of our lives it is easy to forget their importance. So while your friends are within your reach, appreciate the bravery of loving them, knowing it may very well be temporary. Appreciate the grief. It means your love for them was not weak. Appreciate the people who held on.
Do not spend too much time thinking about how things could become so different. Do not wonder if they still think about you. Do not wonder if they see have similar reflections & feel empty. Instead of looking at lost friendships with guilt, be grateful for those beautiful years.
Just few observations again dear friends, & provide merely an opinion in my world. Thank you again for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul. I hope your days are filled with love & affection. Looking forward to being back next time; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with best wishes.
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