First Time…
Greeting dear friends & fellow navigators, welcome to my world this weekend. For as long as I can remember, I lived my life for others. I was raised in a generational concept of customer service & consequently I sought to be the easy going person who effortlessly blended in with everyone. I went out of my way to be reliable & helpful, even at my own expense.
I never wanted to be the reason someone could not enjoy themselves. So I became the perpetual giver, always putting others first. It took me a while to realize I became a faceless presence ~ someone who knew everyone yet was not first choice for most people. At the end of most days, I felt stifled in many ways. My voice felt silenced, & my opinions were often ignored.
If I felt abandoned despite being accommodating & supportive, why was I continuing to be this person? I had forgotten about & neglected myself. My dreams, my desires, my voice ~ all had been buried under the weight of the needs of others.
So, for the first time circa 19 years back, I tried to & chose myself. It felt strange, almost wrong at first, like stepping into unfamiliar shoes. The guilt, though unwarranted, weighed heavily on me, a cloak I had to shrug off. Saying no to others was tough. But eventually, this feeling passed. I started reclaiming my time, investing it in things to make me smile. I breathed more freely, moved more freely, & felt in control, free of any lasting guilt.
Opportunities I had once only dreamed of began to materialize. Each little victory tasted sweeter because it was mine alone. No compromises, no sacrifices for others ~ just pure, unadulterated success born of my own efforts.
I spent a lot of time being an empty cup. Imagine trying to pour from an empty cup ~ nothing but air, no matter how much you tilt it. This was me, trying to give to others when I had nothing to offer. So when I finally decided it was time for a change, I knew I had to find a way to fill my cup first. Only then could I truly share what I had, offering the best of myself to those around me. By ensuring my cup was full, I could pour generously, authentically & sustainably, without
losing myself in the world of others.
It was a new & unexpected experience. I was slowly overcoming the habit of neglecting my own needs. Taking care of myself, as opposed to primarily people pleasing, was not just okay, it was necessary. Being selfish was not about neglecting others; it was about honouring myself. It was about recognizing my opinions were valid & my voice was just as important.
For the first time, I became a little selfish, & for the first time, it felt like I had won.
Just few observations again dear friends, & provide merely an opinion in my world. Thank you again for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul. I hope your days are filled with love & affection. Looking forward to being back next week; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with best wishes
kenn@kennbutler.com
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