Becoming…
Greeting dear friends & fellow navigators, & welcome to my week today. I used to believe life had to follow a certain formula. By this age, I thought I should already have a stable life, own a few things, check off certain boxes before the next OE, & be well on my way to having it all together. I really thought everything needed to happen on time as planned.
But the further I walk into & through retirement, the more I realize how little life cares about my timelines. Things unfold much slower than I imagined; retiring later than expected, starting this new journey with baby steps, & reaching 70 still feeling like I have not done enough.
Some days, I feel like I am just getting started. I do my volunteering, I think about what I want to buy next month, & I often repeat the same routine over & over. Indeed, there is a comfort in it, but also a quiet longing for something to make me feel like I am truly moving forward.
Of course, I still dream. I still map out goals for the end of the year, imagine where I want to be next year, & quietly hope, by 75, I will have something solid to hold onto. But lately, I have realized, growing up is not just about chasing what is ahead. It is also about looking around & asking, “Have I acknowledged what I already have?”
Because honestly, this stage of life feels… quiet. Not always in a sad way, but in a way to make me notice the silence after the noise. I meet people, I interact & I laugh. But when I come home, it is just me again. The room feels still. The kind of stillness making me notice how far I am from the life I used to know.
Friends are no longer a 5-minute walk away. Family is not always within reach. Even when we are in the same city, schedules pull us in opposite directions. I know it is not the fault of anyone. It is naturally part of growing up. But it does make the world feel a little lonelier.
And in this loneliness, I have also found gratitude.
Because not too long ago, I suddenly remember, I have been asking God for the exact life I have now. I prayed to work in a field involving people, close to the action, close to numbers, to formulas I never previously understood. I wished for a job not involving social media. Now, today, without even realizing it, this is exactly where I landed.
It took me a while to see it, but I am living in the middle of my own answered prayers. Prayers I once whispered quietly, & some I even forgot I made. I was too focused on chasing what was next, on all the things I had not achieved, I forgot to be thankful for what is already here.
I still want more, I still have dreams, & I still believe in working toward them. But now, I am learning ambition without gratitude just feels like an endless race; & I do not want to run my whole life without ever stopping to breathe & say thank you.
Because when I look closer, I see how many of my prayers have already been answered: kind & supportive friends, an environment which does not burn me out, & a fresh start giving me space to grow. I may not have a perfectly clear vision of where I am headed, but it is such a relief to know I am not lost.
And maybe this is okay. Maybe not having everything figured out by 70 does not mean I am behind. Maybe it means I am still becoming who I am meant to be, at my own pace & on my own terms.
So, for now I want to live slower. I want to fall in love with the ordinary. I want to build a life I genuinely enjoy, even if it is not extraordinary in the eyes of others. I want to love this season I am in.
Because the more I slow down, the more I realize how much I already have. The little things making today feel soft & full, & maybe, this is more than enough for now.
Just few observations again dear friends & provide an opinion in my world. Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul. Looking forward to next week; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with best wishes.
This Post Has 0 Comments