Emotions…
Greeting dear friends & fellow navigators, & welcome to my world this week. Sometimes, I really decide I am going to do it. I make plans & try to follow them, but when one thing goes wrong, not the way I wanted or hoped, my heart breaks. Suddenly, I feel demotivated,
disheartened, even frustrated ~ so many emotions at once. Then, it takes so much time to get out of this feeling & try again.
Before trying again, sometimes I just feel tired or lazy for no reason ~ maybe mentally exhausted from thinking too much. In those moments, if I come across someone talking about how they made all these initiatives online through AI by doing this or that, it just makes me feel even more behind, like I am not doing enough. I start questioning myself, wondering if I will ever get there, or if I am just wasting my time. It does not motivate me ~ instead, it adds to the weight I am already carrying.
During all this reflection, sometimes I remember the good old days, maybe even school days, when you did not have much to worry about, the friends seemed genuine, the smiles used to be real, & the world seemed brighter than ever. But now, the only smiles feeling real, even just for a moment, are when I watch something funny unexpectedly, & even then, only for a few moments.
Sometimes it feels like my body is present, going through daily routines, but I’m not here. My body is just going through the motions, & my mind keeps wandering somewhere else: sometimes remembering good memories, sometimes making plans, sometimes thinking about the future, creating imaginary scenarios, or planning how to move forward from here.
Despite all of this, I still try to make a new plan when the last one does not work out. I admit it takes time, sometimes hours, even days, but when I am finally ready, I try again, though I do not know if this time it will work out or when I might fall again.
But I will try to stand again. I would like to stay by my choices. After all, I made the choice, took the decision, so no matter what the outcome is, I must take responsibility for it. I am the one who is accountable. Even if it does not work, even if I fail, even if it takes time to pick myself up again, & even if I do not know what is going to happen with my next plan or the next things I am going to do.
I know it is not going to be easy. I am the one who sometimes thinks too much, even about little things, but no matter how hard it is, I remind myself: “You must keep moving forward. You must align your soul, body, & mind in the present moment.”
Just few observations again dear friends & provide an opinion in my world. Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul. Looking forward to next week; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with best wishes.
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