Greetings dear friends & fellow navigators, & welcome to my world again this last week of January 2024 ~ already… Life can be a bit of a roller coaster, right?
Sometimes we find ourselves on the side-tracks where it gets tough to open up & let people in. We all have our reasons for being a bit guarded sometimes. There is this invisible force around stopping us from having a heart-to-heart conversation with others. Attempting to do so is like trying to grab smoke with nothing but our bare hands.
Some of us may be really friendly & typically have a social outgoing personality, but when it comes to the nitty gritty of feelings, we are like, “Nope, not going there.” It is like trying to play an emotional game of tag. We see someone reaching out to connect, but we are so quick to dodge, trying to be a step ahead of them. “All the vulnerable stuff is off-limits, Mister.”
This emotional unavailability shows up everywhere & with everyone. There is no discrimination, the moment someone touches an uncomfortable serious discussion, we either deflect the conversation, change the subject or go from being the life of the party to the party pooper.
As with the ripples on a placid pond, our mind travels further away from the crux of the dialogue the longer it goes on. It is not wanting the connection, we do not know how to lower our defences. The very thing we need (emotional connection) is what we end up pushing away. All the mess resulting from the emotional damage of our feelings does not feel worth it.
But hey, we are all a work in progress. And it is totally okay to take our time. Opening up does not have to be a sprint; it is more like a stroll. If there is something from the past creating a high alert, it is for good reason. It is okay for us to take the time & space to figure it out. We cannot force an emotional connection with anyone. It feels like a leaking tap when it is forced ~ we are continuously losing our precious time.
It takes a brave person to open up about their thoughts & feelings ~ rather close to giving someone a roadmap to understand us better. To show people what we really think & who we really are is a form of trust & vulnerability often deeply admired because it is rare.
But if we do not feel like having a deep conversation or opening up, it is fine. Let the people around you know what is going on. It could be a simple, “Hey, I am dealing with some stuff right now & I do not feel like talking about it,” kind of thing. It helps manage expectations & people appreciate honesty.
You see, when we are emotionally distant, we start creating superficial relationships typically lacking emotional intimacy. We stand at a distance & struggle to allow ourselves to be fully seen & understood. We are present & yet, we are not. To have relationships in our lives we can deeply value, we need to learn to trust & be trusted, to confide & to be confided in.
Nobody is perfect & we are all a bit messy when it comes to emotions. We think, if our true emotions are shown all the time, it is a sign of weakness. But in reality, it is a strength showing our authentic self, our inner world.
Going from emotionally unavailable to emotionally available is like a turtle race. There is no single moment breaking down the barrier of our emotional lockdown.
“Our better safe than sorry” attitude keeps us hiding in our protective shells but we need to leave home someday. So I hope in our journey of being more emotionally involved, we learn to express ourselves, just a little bit more, every single day.
Just few observations again dear friends, & provide merely an opinion in my world. Thank you again for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul. Looking forward to being back next time; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with my best wishes.