Thinking Too Much…
Greeting dear friends & fellow navigators, & welcome to my world this week. A good friend recently said to me: “One thing I notice about you, it is so obvious, but I do not think you see it,”
I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. “You think. Constantly. You question your life all the time, but strangely, most of the time… you already have the answer.” Do I?
“You are far more mature than you think you are. Some people never stop to question anything. But you… you dissect everything. You worry you are not doing enough, not learning enough, not becoming enough.” Do I?
“It is like your mind is…. crowded? You never lack answers. But maybe you just need someone to help you organize them. This conversation stayed with me longer than I expected. Because she knows me well.
My mind has always been loud. Questions layered on top of questions. Thoughts interrupting other thoughts before they even finish forming. Planning. Wondering. Calculating. Sometimes I think the only moment my brain truly rests is when I am asleep.
Maybe because it has always been this way, ever since I can remember, I started believing it was normal. Maybe everyone lives like this. Maybe adulthood is just this endless noise inside your own head. Maybe growing up simply means carrying a restless mind everywhere you go.
But the more I talk to people, especially the people closest to me, the more I realize not everyone thinks like this. Even people who have never met each other somehow say the same things about me. “You think too much.” “You understand too much.” “You are too hard on yourself.”
Because of this, sometimes, I envy people who can simply exist. People who can sit in a moment without analyzing it to death. People who can enjoy life without needing to understand every feeling, every possibility, every consequence hiding underneath it. I want to know what it feels like to just let life happen without interrogating it first, & over last few years I am learning to do so…
Because honestly, being inside my own head is exhausting. Sometimes I wondered if something is wrong with me. Or is this simply the kind of person I am? Is overthinking my defence mechanism? My way of surviving? Or maybe this is not something to fix. Maybe this is simply me.
Can you make peace with a mind who never stops talking? Or maybe I am making this bigger than it actually is. Maybe this is just another example of me turning small thoughts into entire emotional catastrophes. Maybe I am dramatic. Maybe pessimistic. Oh God, See?
There it is again. More questions. Another spiral. Another attempt to understand myself like I am some kind of puzzle which needs solving.
Honestly, I do not know where I am trying to take this piece. I do not have a magical conclusion or a comforting lesson waiting at the end of it. If you are also the kind of person who lives trapped inside your own thoughts, I do not know how to tell you to stop.
Maybe I wrote this because I wanted to feel less alone. Maybe I needed proof, somewhere out there, someone else is lying awake at night having conversations with themselves & they often never really end. Maybe someone else is also tired of carrying a mind refusing to stay quiet.
I do not know. I guess, knowing I am not the only person living like this makes it feel a little less heavy.
Just few observations again dear friends & provide an opinion in my world. Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul. Looking forward to next week; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with best wishes.
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