Asking, Nicely…
Greeting dear friends & fellow navigators, & welcome to my world this week. I have this habit of living inside my head. I calculate possibilities before they happen, analyse most outcomes, & process everything internally. I do not really know why I do this. Maybe it is because I like being prepared. Maybe it is because uncertainty makes me uncomfortable.
But if I am being more honest, I think it is also because I do not like asking for help. It is one of the hardest things for me to do. Not because I think I do not need people. Rather, I have always believed I could figure things out on my own. Even when I do not know how, I trust I will eventually find a way.
Besides, everyone has their own life, with their own responsibilities & problems. I do not want to become another thing they have to deal with. So, I have developed & am used to carrying most things myself, & for a long time, I thought I was perfectly fine with this. Until recently….
There was this one problem, it grew so big inside my head I could not think my way out of it. As usual, I played through hundreds of scenarios, asking myself What can I do? How can I solve this myself? Every possible solution had one variable: me.
But no matter how many times I rearranged the puzzle, every path led to the same conclusion. This was not something I could solve alone. It required another person, & I hated this realization. Being stubborn as I am, my whole body resisted the idea of asking. Before I had even spoken to them, I had already imagined every possible rejection.
What if they say no? What if I make things awkward? What if they think differently of me after this?
I had already rejected myself on their behalf. Eventually though, I realized I had run out of answers. So, very hesitantly, I asked. I told them honestly what I needed. I asked politely if they would be willing to help. I prepared myself for disappointment. I prepared for the ripple effect a rejection might create.
Instead, they smiled, “Of course…”, & not reluctantly. They were genuinely more than willing to help. How simple, & suddenly, I felt so… stupid. I had spent nights losing sleep. I had exhausted myself trying to solve a problem never meant to be solved alone, & all this time, the solution was simply… To ask. Just ask. Nicely.
This experience made me wonder how many things in life feel impossible only because I insist on carrying them alone. Sometimes, the hardest part is not the problem itself. It is convincing ourselves we must solve it without anyone else.
I realized I have a habit of rejecting myself before anyone else gets the chance to reject me. I convince myself they will say no, so I never give them the opportunity to say yes, & maybe this is the real loss.
So, this has become another reminder I want to keep for myself. Do not be afraid to ask, & do not be afraid of hearing “no.” Because sometimes people are kinder than the stories we create about them. Even when the answer is no, at least you will know.
Rejection hurts for a while. But wondering what if has a way of staying with us much longer. Maybe life has been waiting to become a little easier all along. All it needed was the courage to ask. Nicely 🙂
Just few observations again dear friends & provide an opinion in my world. Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul. Looking forward to next week; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with best wishes.
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