My Emotions …
Greeting dear friends & fellow navigators, & welcome to my world this week. This piece today is for my twenty-something self ~ the version of me who had no idea adulthood meant carrying responsibilities, holding myself accountable, & learning there will not always be a permanent shoulder to lean on. Truth is you must often be your own shoulder forever.
Emotional Dependency Is Not the Same as Companionship. There is a difference between sharing your emotions with someone & being completely emotionally dependent on them. In my twenties, I did not see this difference. I wanted someone to listen, someone to make me feel better,
someone to encourage me every time life felt heavy.
One day, in a moment of struggle, I turned to a friend ~ the person I thought would always be there. I shared my situation, expecting comfort. Instead, they looked at me & said, “I am tired of your nonsense. You keep bringing up the same thing over & over. It is now boring.”
Their words stung. I had gone there for relief, but instead, I was met with rejection, & in this painful moment, something clicked: people can get tired of carrying your weight. Up until then, I realized friends, partners, & even family ~ they are human too. They have their own lives, their own crises, &
their own emotional limits. They were not created just to hold me up.
My first reaction was anger. I told myself: Fine, I will never share anything again. But this was not the real solution. It was just a shield for my wounded ego. The deeper truth was this: I had not yet built a safe space within myself. I did not have grounding or an internal system to handle my emotions.
My first instinct was always external: Who can I call? Who will fix this for me? But slowly, I began to see ~ no external shoulder will always be available. This is when growth begins.
However, self-reliance does not mean isolation. Creating an inner framework, a personal “safety system,” became my priority. Journaling, self-reflection, practicing gratitude, & facing problems instead of running from them ~ these became the ways I built resilience. But let me be clear: becoming emotionally independent does not mean cutting yourself off.
It does not mean saying, “I will never share with anyone again.” Rather, it means you can carry yourself through the storm first & then share your story from a place of strength ~ not dependence.
Why does this lesson matter? Because nothing is permanent. Not friendships, not relationships, not even family bonds in the way we imagine them. Everyone has their own life, their own struggles, & their own limits. The only constant? You, & maybe God, if you believe.
So, if you keep looking for permanent shoulders outside yourself, you will often be disappointed again & again. But when you find the strength within, you will discover something powerful. You are stronger than you think, more resilient than you realize, & you can face more than you ever believed possible.
My Final Reflection. Being emotionally independent does not mean you stop needing people. We all need love, companionship, & safe spaces to grow. But it does mean this…
• You stop expecting others to carry your entire weight.
• You stop outsourcing your healing.
• You stop confusing vulnerability with dependency.
Because the real strength is this: I can hold myself first, & then, I can invite others to walk beside me. Just few observations again dear friends & provide an opinion in my world. Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate your being here. If my journey encourages you also, all is well with my soul.
Looking forward to next week; this is Kenn Butler in Paradise, Nelson with best wishes.
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